30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge: Day #01

Day 1:
How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?

honestly, since our first day or marriage. tak lah. sbbnye my hubby keje oil and gas, and he has to go for outstation, 4ari seminggu, so i only jumpe die 3hari seminggu. (that's for our first 4months of marriage) lepas tu, he has to go for outstation for 1month, then balik umah 3 ari, then go again. (i felt like i am still bujang kot time tu, single but obviously not available). this went on about 4months. lepas tu, my hubby tak tahan, then he quit his job dan kami pun takde la jauh2 lagik. hurmm, the downside of working in oit&gas industry kan.

and, even little children pun tahu yg it takes two to conceived. cuma, my MIL tak tahu fakta itu, dan itu buat i makin tertekan. and i cried, every times AF comes knocking. mcm bodoh kan, but thats the reality. and i said im sorry everytime. sbbnya, i know DH mmg nk anak sgt2. yet, we never seek any treatment (except that i tried many & many minuman kesihatan yg kekonon bole conceive. cet!), until the ectopic incident. lepas tu, mmg gigih berTTC.

and i believe that i announce to the whole world that we are currently TTC in mid of February 2010. sebelum ni diam2 je. hurmmm

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ok, oleh kerana aku terlambat bace komen2 pedas drp cik puan tu, dan aku cume tau dari jay, tp aku berjaya gak godek2 blog B&C dan jumpe sume komen2 tu. meh aku nk berpedasan sket.

come on la, aku benci gile org yg camtu. i mean, fine, ko mudah dapat anak. oh tak? ko tak bunting pelamin? tp kau tunggu berapa bulan je nk pregnant? ape? 2bulan lepas kawen? so ko penah rasa tension MIL ko tanya macam2? In laws yg lain? kawan2 yg mulut cam tuttt? pandangan mata mereka yg ada anak setiap kali derang nampak ko? duhhh, tak kot! dan ko penah rasa tak yg dunia kau dikelilingi oleh mereka yg pregnant? 

seriously, selepas aku gigih berTTC, kemana2 aku pergi, kemana2 aku akan nampak perempuan pregnant. and it felt like they are mocking me "we are pregnant, kau ada?" ok aku tau tu setan tu. hoh. dan aku penah kene hentam ngn member aku sndrik, kekononnye aku membenci perempuan mengandung. duhhhh! walhal aku tatau pun die pregnant. macam2 die maki aku. dan followers die, kemain lagik mengutuk aku. hanya sebab aku tulis dekat blog TTC aku, diulangi Blog TTC aku (which i never reveal to any of my friends, tp die tahu gak, sbb die stalk aku) yg "mood tidak best apabila bukak fb ade announcement pregnancy", walhal, bukan die yg buat announcement tu, member lama yg dah ade anak seorg dan pregnant lagik. jelous much? of course. die ade dua.

ok, maybe hormon die tak stabil then die maki aku, kekononnye aku benci dgn perempuan mengandung (iaitu dia) and aku macam. hotak kau! and i cried, hard. sbb aku tak bole terima kata2 dia. antara yg aku tak bole terima "mcm mana dia bole benci perempuan mengandung walhal dia pun nk anak. dia igt dengan membenci perempuan mengandung tu, Allah nk bagi dia mengandung?"

ok, macam sial kan. 

dah dah, aku dah merapu. owh, btw, aku tak maafkan dia walaupun aku tak bernafas lagik di dunia ini dan walaupun tulang temulang aku dah habis jadik tanah. serious. kita jumpa sahaja di akhirat. 

dan, aku juga mintak sangat2 dekat Allah SWT yg aku tak kan jadik ibu yg obsess dgn anak dia sampai lupakan hati dan perasaan org lain.

Till then,