Two to tango

ive kept this buried in my heart for a long time. as time passed by, i buried it even deeper. until i cannot take it no more. 

it burst. 

like an angry volcano.

only god knows how the lava had eaten me inside.

and obviously its killing me.

slowly and painfully.

at first i thought it was something that never meant to be shared, but now, once hell broke loose, i simply dont care.

here it is.

i hate my MIL guts.

just as she hated mine.

i could not help envying those whose MIL love them so much and know about their TTC condition. sadly, mine is a monster.

and slowly, she turned my husband into one.

as if not being pregnant is my fault.

as if he is the only one suffer not having children.

nobody knows that i cried hard everytime i had my menses. 

how i kept on telling him that im sorry for having menses.

how i kept staring at others babies and silently cursing my own self for not being able to conceived.

how i sometimes punch my own belly as results of my frustration.

but hey, it takes two to tango.

and it certainly takes two to conceived.

owh, like they know it. 

& i dont think MIL knows about it.

being a monster, she simply didnt care.

i wonder how could i survive this eid fitr.

could i simply run away from all of this?

i simply hate everyone's gut now, even my own.